


Hope

by Cephy



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Best Friends, First Time, Last Day On Earth, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-05
Updated: 2005-04-05
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephy/pseuds/Cephy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our heroes, a few days before the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [louise_lux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/louise_lux/gifts).



Gojyo was drunk-- not entirely surprising, since he'd spent the better part of two hours trying to get himself in that state. He wasn't sloppily drunk, nor at the point where his mouth completely threw off the control of his brain. No, he was pleasantly fuzzy, just gone enough to not quite have to think for a while.

Hakkai, on the other hand, was staring out the window. He had a glass in his hand and Gojyo knew it had been refilled more than a few times throughout the evening. But it was _Hakkai_, after all, so Gojyo also knew better than to think the alcohol was having any effect. And yet the other man was just sitting there, staring, never shifting his eyes even when he lifted his glass for another drink.

Gojyo glanced back and forth for a moment-- window to Hakkai, Hakkai to window-- before giving in to curiosity. "What are you seeing out there?"

Hakkai's shoulders lifted in a slow shrug, though his eyes never moved. "The night," he said quietly. "The past. Places I've never been to, people I'll never meet." He paused. "Tomorrow, and the next day, and the _next_\--" He trailed off, hand lifting glass in an automatic gesture.

Gojyo eyed the window skeptically. "All that, huh?"

Hakkai hummed an affirmative-- then his mouth curled in a tiny, mischievous smirk, and his eyes flicked aside to see Gojyo's face. "Or maybe I'm watching the man across the street, who's been trying to unlock the wrong door for the past half hour."

Gojyo blinked, then craned his neck around trying to see, only half registering the sound of Hakkai's laughter in his ear. When he turned back, he was grinning himself. "Good thing I never look that stupid when I'm drunk, hmm?" he asked with a wink, and got only a raised eyebrow in return.

The moment lasted for a few seconds, stretched out between them, then inevitably started to fade. The silence of the room slowly took over again; at that hour of the night, there weren't many drinkers left, and those that did remain mostly kept to themselves and their bottles.

"You think the others are asleep yet?"

Hakkai was watching the window again, but he shifted his attention long enough to shake his head. "Goku, maybe," he amended. "He could probably sleep if we were on the very doorstep of Houtou Castle. A few days out likely won't bother him. But Sanzo?" He shook his head again. "He's probably upstairs drinking by himself."

"Bastard wouldn't lower himself to drink with us, of course," Gojyo grumbled, then automatically ducked even though there was no fan around to threaten him.

"Now, now. He paid for private rooms for us all; he must have wanted his privacy." Hakkai's glance flicked upwards, as if he could see through the ceiling to the rooms beyond. "We'll have little enough of it, from now on. It was probably a good idea."

Gojyo just grunted, tossing back the rest of his drink as the reminder made his mood sour. "Aw, you never know," he said sarcastically. "Kougaiji might run a five-star hotel just this side of the Castle, and we'll each be able to have our own _suite_."

Hakkai's smile was tight. "I suppose it's a possibility."

Refilling his glass, Gojyo lifted it in something that was almost a toast. "Just three more days and we'll find out, huh? Just have to wait and see."

Sighing softly, Hakkai stared into his glass. "Indeed."

The silence this time was heavy, shot through with dark thoughts and darker worries. "Hey, Hakkai," Gojyo eventually said. "What do you think our chances are?"

Hakkai looked up, and their eyes met-- serious and unguarded for once. And with a sad little smile, he shrugged. "I really don't know anymore."

Gojyo let out an explosive sigh of air. "Right." Then he laughed-- short and ragged, with little real humour. "Me neither."

And the silence was smothering.

After a moment, Gojyo shook himself and slammed his glass down on the table. "Fuck this," he said clearly. "I'm not going to waste what may be one of my last nights on earth by being stupidly depressed." Casting about for a distraction, his gaze landed on Hakkai's own green eyes, staring back at him, and an idea came to him. "C'mere."

Hakkai blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Sparing a moment to wonder if he really was drunker than he thought, Gojyo extended a hand towards his friend. "I said, c'mere. There's something I want to try."

Looking skeptical, Hakkai shifted around the table until he was directly beside Gojyo, then sat facing him, looking rather wary.

Gojyo grinned a bit nervously, then reached out before he could change his mind, put his hands on either side of Hakkai's face, pulled him forward and kissed him.

It only lasted a moment-- during which time Hakkai didn't pull away or even tense up significantly, which gave Gojyo some hope. But he didn't reciprocate in any way, either, just waited until Gojyo drew back and then fixed him with a carefully controlled look. "Why did you do that?"

"Why? Eh--" Slightly flustered, Gojyo gave an exaggerated shrug and averted his eyes. "Because if I'm going to be dead in three days, it won't matter if you're mad at me. Because I think I'm a bit drunk and it seemed like a good idea. Because we're going to be camping out with the monkey and the bastard from now on, and it's the last chance for privacy I'll have." He wavered a moment, then forced himself to look back at Hakkai. "Because I was curious," he admitted finally, "and I have been for a while, and if we're gonna--" He broke off, and shrugged. "Didn't want to leave anything undone, maybe," he ended up muttering. "Just in case."

Hakkai just looked at him, eyes and expression unreadable, body deceptively relaxed. Inwardly, Gojyo began to curse himself, and the alcohol, and whatever damnable urge had led him to start looking at his best friend like that in the first place. Even if they were going to die, even if it wouldn't matter-- he didn't want to go out with some stupid thing like this coming between the two of them.

He was starting to open his mouth to say so, and to apologize, when Hakkai suddenly nodded once and stood. "Come on, then," he said calmly. "Upstairs."

Cut off mid-thought, Gojyo blinked. "What? Why?"

Hakkai stopped. "Because I refuse to do anything in front of an audience," he said without turning around, gesturing towards the other tables. "Because there is a room upstairs with a locking door, and a bed that has to be more comfortable than these chairs. Because I can't get drunk and I can't go to sleep and I need something to distract myself from what's coming."

He turned around, finally-- and he was smiling in that wry Hakkai way. "Because-- maybe I'm a bit curious, too."

Gojyo sat frozen for a long moment, thoughts roiling-- then his face split in a wide grin, part relief and part anticipation. Shoving back his chair, he walked over until he could bump up against Hakkai's shoulder, then the two of them left the room together.

***

The next morning was cheerfully, obnoxiously bright. Sanzo was obviously nursing a hangover, and threatened them all with his gun four times before they even left the inn. Goku was mostly normal, though he ate his extensive breakfast a little slower than usual, almost as if he was trying to memorize the tastes. They all piled into the Jeep as the innkeeper waved a fond farewell to their credit card.

Sitting in the back seat as usual, Gojyo found himself staring at the back of Hakkai's head, following the short strands of hair as the wind moved them back and forth. Despite expectations, they had both slept during the night-- after being suitably distracted and worn out-- and waking up together hadn't been as awkward as Gojyo had feared it might be.

They'd been constantly together for this entire stupid trip, after all, and lived together for quite a time before that. Really-- not that much had changed. It would, though, Gojyo knew. Or it _should_, maybe, someday when they had time to think it through and decide how.

He'd stopped Hakkai before they came down for breakfast, and asked him what happened from here. Hakkai had looked at him, and absently lifted a hand to run through Gojyo's hair. "Ask me again when all of this is over," he'd eventually said. "We'll figure it out then." And he'd leaned in and kissed Gojyo, just a brush of the lips, and then opened the door and left.

Closing his eyes, Gojyo let himself get lost in the feel of the wind against his face. In three days they would be arriving at their final destination, the place they'd spent all this time trying to reach, and only the gods knew what would happen then. They might win or they might lose-- they might live through it or they might die trying. But--

But there was a conversation he needed to have. And no one, be they demon king or bastard monk or one of the gods themselves-- no one was going to stop him from having it.

He opened his eyes and stared at the horizon ahead, and allowed himself to hope.


End file.
